


The Moon Blood of a Virgin

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [64]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Blood Kink, Bottom Derek, Crack, Creeper Peter, Drabble, F/M, Genderswap, Humor, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Magic, Multi, Orgy, Sex Magic, Sub Derek Hale, boobs, hot lesbian sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 12:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia has found a way to ward the Hale house, and by extension the pack, from further destruction.  But safety comes at a cost.  Is the price something Stiles is willing to pay?</p><p>JK.  This story is about boobs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moon Blood of a Virgin

**Stiles:**  Scott, did you try another one of Deaton’s spells without supervision?

 **Scott:**  What? No! Of course not! Why would you think…

 **Stiles:**  Because I have boobs, Scott. Because I have boobs.

 **Scott:**  Really? Cool! Can I see th—

*Allison clears her throat*

 **Scott:**  …you know what? I don’t think I will ever want to see any boobs that aren’t Allison’s.

 **Isaac:**  Damn it.

 **Lydia:**  Dude. You don’t even have boobs.

 **Isaac:**  Oh right. So do you think I still have a chance, or…

 **Stiles:**  Guys! Focus! I have lady bits!

 **Lydia:**  Oh yeah. That would be my fault. I needed them for the warding spell Derek wants to set up around this place.

 **Stiles:** You needed my lady bits? That explains so much about our relationship…

 **Lydia:**  No, it really doesn’t.

 **Stiles:**  Shhh. Don’t ruin this for me. I’m imagining us having hot lesbian sex.

 **Jackson and Aiden:**  I’m surprisingly okay with that.

 **Lydia:**  Hate to break it to, apparently, everyone, but I like penises.

 **Erica:**  Damn it!

 **Stiles:**  Does that mean you’d sleep with me if I…

 **Lydia:**  Not even a little bit.

 **Stiles:**  Fine.

 **Scott:**  So, why do you need Stiles to be a chick if you aren’t gonna have hot lesbian sex with him?

 **Lydia:**  Actually, no one is going to be having sex with him.

 **Stiles:**  That is hurtful.

 **Lydia:**  … until after the warding. Then you are free to do whatever your pervy little heart desires.

 **Stiles:**  Does that include—

 **Lydia:** —except have hot lesbian sex with me.

 **Everyone:**  Damn it.

*Stiles grimaces and sits down*

 **Allison:**  Are you ok?

 **Stiles:**  You know, I really wouldn’t mind this whole experience at all, what with the having boobs. Except apparently I’m a girl in all the ways. Dude, I will never belittle cramps again. I will bring you  _so much_  chocolate.

 **Lydia:**  You’re having cramps?

 **Stiles:**  It would appear so.

 **Lydia:**  Good! That means your period should start soon.

 **Stiles:**  AND WHY IS THAT GOOD?!?

 **Lydia:**  Haven’t you been listening? The ward calls for ‘the moon blood of a virgin’ and since you’re the only virgin here…

 **Stiles:**  Actually…

 **Lydia:**  We need your blood. Now, I tried to just gather blood from your sheets that time you got attacked on the full moon…

 **Stiles:**  Funny story. I’m pretty sure that was Derek’s blood. He’s got a thing for—you know what, that’s his kink to confess. You took my bloody sheets in a  _completely_ non-creepy way. Go on…

 **Lydia:**  …but that didn’t work. So I did some more research, and yeah, moon blood refers to…

 **Stiles:**  I get it.

 **Lydia:**  So. Let me get you a sample jar…

 **Stiles:**  Yeah. About that. That isn’t gonna work.

 **Lydia:**  It should. The spell was very thorough. You should even be able to have babies if…

 **Stiles:**  It’s not the girl part that’s the problem.

 **Jackson:**  You saying you’ve had sex, Stilinski? Yeah right.

 **Stiles:**  Dude. Remember all the times Derek and I had to ‘retire to the study’? This place does not have a study.

 **Scott:**  Really? What about the room by the—

 **Stiles:**  Derek’s bedroom.

 **Scott:**  And the one off the ha—

 **Stiles:**  The sex torture dungeon.

 **Scott:**  Dude!

 **Stiles:**  I know, right!

 **Lydia:**  Well, this is a pretty old spell. Hopefully it will not count anything other than heterosexual—

 **Stiles:**  No dice.

 **Jackson:**  WHAT?

 **Erica:**  Remember that ritual Stiles and Cora did to bring me and Boyd back to life? That was definately a sex magic thing.

 **Scott:**  Dude. You slept with Derek  _and_  Cora?

 **Stiles:**  Not at the same time.

 **Scott:**  Are there any Hales you  _haven’t_  slept with?

 **Peter:**  Nope!

 **Stiles:** Oh my God! Go away, you creeper!

…

 **Scott:**  So, was that a yes or a no on sleeping with Pe—

 **Stiles:** It was one time! And he’s hot, in a super creepy way! And it was just to make Chris Argent jealous anyway…

 **Lydia:**  Well, there must be some permutation you haven’t—

 **Erica:**  I think we covered ‘em all in the ‘I’m glad you’re back from the dead’ orgy.

 **Isaac:**  Good times.

 **Stiles:**  Yeah. I’m kinda sad me and Derek are exclusive now. Except not really, ‘cause he can do the most amazing things with his…

 **Lydia:**  I’VE GOT IT! You haven’t had sex as a girl so you can’t have been on the receiving end of—

 **Stiles:**  About that. I’ve been a girl for, like, an hour already.

 **Lydia:**  And?

 **Stiles:**  It’s like the second thing you do when you wake up with boobs!

 **Scott:**  True.

 **Lydia:**  God damn it. Where am I going to find a virgin on her period before…

 **Stiles:**  If I could make a suggestion? If you just need someone who hasn’t had sex as a girl, you could change one of the other boys, but, you know, ask them first? In fact, I think that Derek would be a perfect…

 **Lydia:**  True. Fine. Where is he?

 **Stiles:**  Oh. Oops. I may have forgotten to untie him from…you know what? Never mind. I’ll just go get him.

 **Lydia:**  You do that.

 **Isaac:**  You need the bolt cutters again?

 **Stiles:**  I should be good. Oh, and Lydia? Can you wait until the ward is done — and both our periods are over — to change us back? ‘Cause I would really appreciate the hot lesbian action I would get.

 **Peter:**  Wait till your period is over? Is my nephew not man enough to deal with a little—

 **Stiles:**  Dude…

 **Peter:**  You know, a lady needs a man who will just rip out her—

 **Stiles:**  You are fifty shades of creeper.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
